Continuing the trend

This awe-inspiring writer whose blog I have been following, has done something that I think is pretty cool. She has written down how she learned to argue from her parents. Now I am sure that her parents read her blog and I have to admit it is a little ballsy to call your parents out when you know they will be reading your blog, but that wasn't her point at all.

We all take on characteristics from our childhood and it isn't anyone's problem, but our own. Our parents didn't mean to yell in front of us or give the silent treatment when they thought we weren't looking, but people fight and sometimes the outcome isn't beautiful. Sometimes (ok a lot of the time) the outcome is divorce.

I never thought about how devastating divorce is. I never had a negative connotation of it because it was so necessary in my house. It was a sigh of relief rather than a gasp of fear.

So by writing down how I learned to argue (and some of these tactics weren't taught by my parents. Some of them I created myself) I am holding myself accountable. It is now documented.

• I never tell you how I am really feeling even though it is clear that I am upset.
• I can give the silent treatment
• I bring up the past, which makes it so any relationship can never grow
• I can resort to name calling
• I will slam doors
• And as annoying as it is for those I am having a heated discussion with, any inflection in one's voice and I automatically think they are yelling at me.

I haven't figured out a better way to fight beyond NOT doing those things above, but I have learned that a fight doesn't mean that everything is a bust. The fact that I would run away from any sign of difference or hide behind any of the above tactics just proves the point of how afraid I used to be of looking in the mirror at my own reflection. There are better ways to prove your passion for a point and it has nothing to do with acting like a 10 year old girl. (This doesn't mean I have been able to realize when a relationship stops being worth fighting for! Any tips on that would save a lot of my time;)!)

Because the fact is, divorce is devastating no matter how necessary it may be at times. You promise everything you have to someone and years down the road you have to take it back. The road to recovery for all involved is long. (But if we are being honest, if you ended up divorced, perhaps you didn't wholeheartedly promise that other person anything.)

But what do I know! I am only 22 and I just thought it was cool to lay it on the line about what I do poorly when it comes to fighting! So in the next phase of my life I will be a gentle warrior! How would you want to be described when it comes to fighting?