Like a candle in the wind!

In the last two weeks I have been in 4 different countries. I have lugged around one 60 pound suitcase and one 40 pound suitcase off of 11 trains and I have made my way from Germany to Paris to Amsteradam to Brussels and back to Germany and on Monday I leave for Italy. Not that it isn't amazing to tour Europe and see all the places I have seen, but I am really burned out. So burned out that I can barely be bothered to pick up my camera and snap a picture of something that I know we definitely don't have back home.

Maybe this sounds selfish or pathetic, but it's the truth, plain and simple. I am even kind of dreading Italy b/c I can't take being a tourist anymore. I can't take being the "stupid American" b/c I don't speak their language and I don't have the energy to figure out any more train stations or navigate myself anywhere. I should also mention that my hair is falling out in clumps the size of my fists b/c I am at a huge vitamin deficiency. Traveling makes it difficult to ensure that I get balanced meals on a regular basis. For example, now that I am back in Germany, in limbo, I have had 5 of the Belgian truffles and 2 cookies I picked up there a few days ago - that was breakfast and lunch.

If I knew I was permanently moving to Europe then I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn't feel as though I am just floating in the abyss and my life would have a lot more purpose. I would have invested in products that were part of my rituals back home, such as vitamins or spices or a nail polish color that went beyond racy red. All of these trips that I have taken would be like vacation breaking up my redundant everyday schedule, but instead, I am on permanent vacation and as the saying goes..."there is such thing as too much of a good thing."

I miss the little things, like being able to go into a grocery store and understand exactly what I am buying and what the label says. Or my gym...I miss my work-out classes and being 20 pounds lighter than what I am right now (thanks to all the beer.) And as magical as it has been to not have ANY responsibility, I miss the sanity that having a job gives you. My brain is literally atrophying due to the lack of challenge living within a community gives you.

So the moral of this story is: sometimes it's ok not to challenge yourself by going without certain comforts from home. I am sure that if I brought my vitamin supply that is so neatly sitting on my bureau at home or legit American BBQ or Buffalo sauce or my favorite Red Sox sweatshirt I wouldn't be so restless. In fact I would probably stay in Europe forever!