I am especially bad at good-byes because I am terrible at showing affection. Who are my "Modern Family" watchers? Any die-hard fan will remember the episode entitled "The Kiss" where Mitchell won't kiss his partner Cameron because his own upbringing and father's lack of ability to kiss him doesn't allow him to kiss his partner. When Cameron brings this point up to Mitchell, he points out that Mitchell has the grit to make pro-gay speeches in public, but what takes true courage is affection. (Ok this scene is a lot funnier then I am describing and I encourage you to become a fan of this show to see for yourself. I also encourage ABC to send me a check for a million dollars for all of this advertising.)
I grew up in a family where they said "I love you" as they were tucking me in and I was hugged a lot so I don't know where this aversion to endearment comes from. I don't even like PDA. I am that girl, if I am ever dating someone, you won't notice it at a party or restaurant. Sure, sure, a peck on the lips to say good-bye or a hand on the leg underneath the table is ok sometimes, but holding hands for an extended period of time or a pro-longed, passionate kiss is too hard for me to manage most of the time.
It's weird I know and I wish I could be a little looser about this whole PDA thing...but then I run the risk of becoming too loose and no one wants that;) Even my Mother had to wrestle a proper, non-ass-out hug from me before I left for Germany.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because my time in Aalen is winding down and coming to an end. The majority of my roommates have left and at this very moment I am alone in my apt. A few of my friends are still lingering around - thank God and a favorable roommate is coming back from a vacation with his wife so we can all make an attempt at putting our clique back together. But this part of the journey is really about to be over.
I have another month of traveling, which is why the good-byes don't feel real yet, but I can't believe I have had to say as many of them as I have so far. The problem with not settling down and hopping from place to place is you constantly have to learn to shut your emotions down. Realistically you can't keep the level of attachment you had with every individual you met. Life gets in the way and the environment in which your friendship was created probably isn't the environment to which you are returning. You have to learn to adjust and reset the expectations of every relationship you create. You also have to become comfortable with the fact that you probably won't see your friends that you became so close with for a long time or ever again.
Not to say that all this hopping around doesn't lead to new adventures and constantly meeting new people, because it does. And I probably won't stop hopping around for a while. Home is no longer really a physical aspect anymore to me. I love my house and I love my town, but in retrospect of the different living situations I have been in over the past 8 months, I could probably settle most any place as long as there is wifi and running water! But this tolerance still doesn't solve the fact that good-byes suck and how they are teaching me what kind of friendships are worth fighting for and which ones are worth doing the awkward dance of staying in touch through distance and busy lives that are moving on.
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