Quality over quantity

I proudly admitted in my last post that, of course I am reading another Malcolm Gladwell book. One I am desperately trying to hold onto until my flight, but my last day in Rome was spent by a swimming pool in 90 degree weather so I am 2/3's of the way through with it. I don’t think 1/3 of a book is going to sustain a transcontinental flight. (Can you believe I am coming home...and EVERYONE should read Malcolm Gladwell books!)

One of many passages in this book have really caught my attention and I keep rolling it around and around in my head. It’s a really meaningful study on relationships and the context they create in our lives.

Social scientists have been able to put backing to human’s natural threshold to understand, process and hold onto information. It is called our “channel capacity.” When using it for categories such as dividing between pitch changes in a song or the amount of sugar in different drinks, humans can usually differentiate up to six points on the spectrum. After that, tastes and sounds begin to blur together. That is why telephone numbers are only 7 digits long, b/c after that humans would begin to forget them and many wrong numbers would be dialed.

The same idea applies to human relationships, called the social channel limit. We only have the space to foster so many personal relationships. And by relationships Gladwell means, not just the ones for acquaintences or colleagues at work, but the ones where you really know someone and understand their strengths and weaknesses. Because let’s face it, to have a really good friend requires an investment of time and energy and feeling. Things that just can’t be expended on random people. (Really think about how much energy it takes to actually feel something. It's probably more energy than you work out during a gym session.)

British anthropologist, Robin Dunbar explains that the neocortex of a human brain, the part responsible for complex thought and reasoning, is the biggest of all mammals. We can handle having relationships that branch out beyond just a few people. Dunbar came up with a ratio that shows the relationship of the neocortex to the size of the brain as a whole. It gets larger as you head up the chain of primates, but Homo Sapiens maximize at a ratio estimate of roughly 150. This represents the maximum number of people we can have a genuine relationship with. The number of people within a circle of friends or group of people that “you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.” Gladwell's words, not mine!

So does this seem a little crazy or frou-frou to you? Sure social science can sometimes be easily disregarded, but if you look around you, examples of the 150 group limit pop up all over. Hunter-gatherer tribes from the Walbiri of Australia to the Tauade of New Guinea or the Ammassalik of Greenland to the Ona of Tierra del Fuego, the average group rate is 148. Units in the military don’t exceed 150 people and many Hutterite clans (distant relatives to the Amish or Mennonites) have a policy that splits the clan in half once it hits a capacity of 150. The Gore-Tex company does the same thing once a plant hits that magic number. (And it seems to be working for them b/c they have brought in growth earnings consistently for the past 35 years.)

These findings make relationships more meaningful. There is science behind the way we categorize the people in our lives and it puts a backing into the way we feel. I like that, b/c I would agree with the description that many have given me about the meaning I attach to the people in my lives. I can admit that I am horribly emotionally stunted about 85% of the time, but I care deeply about those that I let in my life. Whether it's for a lifetime or a brief period of time. I like the effort that goes into getting to know someone and doing something nice for them. Something, whether it is a gift or compliment or sympathy or a good laugh, that is perfectly tailored to them, that you know they will just love and appreciate. Those in my group of 150 know that even my most monotonous tone or lack of ability to handle crying or even hold your hand for more than 3 seconds is just a barrier behind all the things I really mean and want to say, which is, I am really glad you're in my life! You're worth the effort! (What can I say, I am a work in progress!)